How should we prepare against Santa Claus?

Actually proper fucking funny. Admittedly it would be even funnier if it were unintentionally so, but still credit is due.

Japanese English diary


Today is finally Christmas Eve Eve.
Christmas is coming soon.
And “he” will come.
We must prepare against Santa Claus.

As you know, Santa Claus is a monster of Christmas.
It is very strong and heinous.

Santa Claus and a great King of Terror always comes from the sky.
Terrible air raid will begin.
How do you fight the enemy in the sky?
Probably you will use Patriot antiaircraft missile.


But it is not a good way.
Santa Claus is small‐sized and rapid.
Moreover, it is not made of metal.
It is very difficult to find him.
So NORAD performs Tracks SANTA operation every year.
(NORAD=North American Aerospace Defense Command)
It is impossible for us to destroy him by missiles.
We should wait for his landing.

After he lands, let’s start the action.
There is a proverb in Japan.
“If you want to shoot a general, you must shoot his…

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2 thoughts on “How should we prepare against Santa Claus?

  1. I love this! The author may have more of a command of the English language than we at first realize – considering that not one, but two nuclear bombs were dropped from the sky by western (American) planes. And Santa Claus is a product of western culture, exported globally to the many cultures actively disrupted by American dominance.
    And it IS funny, too!


    1. Oh, I think the funniness is definitely intentional. Little bit of a spoof going on. But yes, it’s very clever, and lots of the faux-naif phrases are just lovely.


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